NOV 5

I am sitting next to my dad in the office. Only a few of y'all know that my dad is a small business owner of a trucking company whose office is right at home. So, I am home thinking back on what my last month in Nicaragua was. I can break it down into weeks. November 5 was the day I met Agentes de Cambio. Little did I know that I was going to learn from them much more than what I had scheduled for my independent study. I learned about Agentes de Cambio during a class with Maria Teresa Blandon a well-known feminist in Nicaragua. I jotted down Agentes de Cambio along with other youth organizations in hopes that I will find my future participants for my ISP (independent study project).

My finished ISP was "An analysis of political perspectives and values in families of Matagalpa, Nicaragua with an intergenerational focus".

I had emailed Agentes de Cambio and had gotten a response from Yaser Morazán. My soon to be advisor! I made plans to meet him and Agentesd de Cambio Monday November 5. I was going to miss my last day of class in Managua but I prioritized this meeting because my gut told me to head over to Matagalpa. My first meeting with Agentes de Cambio was ideal. I was promised participation from the organization and most of them were more than willing to help me with whatever I may need. I was even welcomed into the organization to see what Agentes de Cambio was all about. Agentes de Cambio is a sexually diverse organization. It was founded three years ago with the purpose of creating a space in Matagalpa for gays/lesbians/bisexuals/trans/homosexuals/heterosexuals/etc. It is an organization that promotes human rights, reproductive rights, sexual rights and youth leadership without discrimination through protest, media, presentations, film series and other way primarily through art.

http://agentesdecambiomatagalpa.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/#!/jovenes.a.decambio?fref=ts

It did not take me long to recognize that Agentes de Cambio was the organization that I was looking for. The following week I moved to Matagalpa to start my independent study.

But what happened between that time? I took a nice walk in Managua with Diego and Nay'chelle. We took a day off from research to visit Sandino and canopy in Managua. We also had some ice-cream and walked around plaza Inter. Here we encountered a cultural incident... There was a competition going on with the latest music to see who could dance better. The moves were to be competitive, the sexier the better... at least that’s what we saw. There were people cheering their favorite and the audience was enjoying it all. The participants came from the audience so none were professional dancers all but one was female. It was cute in the beginning until the competition got more intense. Was there anything wrong? Well, the participants were under 12 years old. First time I saw little ones dance sexually in a mall for a competition. It was getting a bit uncomfortable as we walked away, and out of plaza inter we went.

hasta luego

It’s been a week as of Tuesday that I am back from Nicaragua. As I lay in bed and look at my little one (Mariflor) I think about my last week in Nicaragua. My last blog was on my weekend trip to Leon, it’s been like six weeks. I have been avoiding this site because I do not really want to write my last blog or get close to writing it. I do not want this to be a goodbye; I personally do not like goodbyes and am terrible at saying them in person. And even though this is a blog and I am not literally in front of someone saying goodbye I do feel like there is some sort of strings attached because this is the first time I actually follow through with a blog for one of my trips abroad. Well, enough of this silliness and lets reminisce on those lost six weeks. (Grab a cup of coffee is going to take a while.) As a matter of fact I will be sleeping now and writing on this tomorrow.  I will dream with the memories I hold dear and I know that I will travel back to those beautiful places I visited and called my temporary home. I can still hear the voices of the individuals that I met and I can still see their faces when I close my eyes. Like my friend Diego says, “It’s not a good bye but an hasta luego”. This hasta luego is going to take some time.

WAITING

How do I start this… this weekend I spend it in Leon. I am actually sitting in Bigfoot Hostel. When we first got here we, as in Diego, TayTay and I, were feeling a bit out of place. This is a big party, backpackers with dreadlocks kind of hostel and we were not sure what we were getting into. We actually hadn’t looked into the Hostel in much detail. We pretty much chose to come here because on its website it said that they were the main Volcano board place. So out of excitement and desire for some adrenaline rush we booked a room for the three of us. So here we were Friday night three college students anticipating our next day adventure.

Saturday morning we didn’t want to get out of bed. We didn’t even want to shower and voted on showering after the day’s adventure; after volcano boarding down Volcano Cerro Negro.  We ate breakfast at a small café restaurant adjacent to the hostel, its actually part of the hostel itself. We were running a bit late and didn’t have any sunscreen so Diego and I borrowed some. Before we knew it we were on our way to the volcano. It took approximately an hour to get there. We drove out of the city and up into the Volcano Cerro Negro…

Volcano Cerro Negro in Leon, Nicaragua. Last time it erupted was in 1999.

 It is beautiful isn’t it?

All we had was this one board and an orange jump suit..

Well, as you can tell by the group picture above, I was the only female.  We made a stop at the entrance of the volcano where we had to sign in and pay an entrance fee of $5US.

The walk up the volcano was not as bad as it may sound. Even though I had my board/sled I made it up without dehydrating. At the very top there were other groups from different hostels boarding down the slope. They were going pretty slow. Our guide Rich was pretty disgusted at how slow there others were going. He told us that he will show us the proper way to slide down the slope. Before going down we walked around the crater and touched the very warm, black, volcano ash. ( I have some reminding in my shoe!)

Alright, so the time came for us to slide down. Our guide Rich told us the instructions and said that he will run down the slope and ones he is down by the truck it will be time to look for his signal to start coming down one by one. We had two lines, and I was on the right one. We started going down… I ended up on the back of the line.. I was actually supposed to be second to last but for some reason the guide signaled the left side to go. I was left on top of the volcano. I had by this time seen my entire group go. Some had kicked a lot of ash onto their faces and others had flipped. There I sat, waiting.. Waiting.. Waiting on my signal. I waited for a long time not knowing what was going on… later I came to find out that the guide was sending me the signal but I couldn’t see it. So after waiting forever I decide it was time for me to come down. I actually saw Diego and TayTay wave so I thought maybe that was the sign. I said good bye to the volcano from where I sat and I started to go.  As I started sliding down I panicked for a bit because I forgot to put my goggles on! I held on to the handle vertically just like Rich had said to do. I was going to the side a bit so I tapped the opposite side to get back on track… I tapped a few times actually and then I started to speed up. There was a point during this first half (hahahha yes first half) that I was starting to really feel the pace speed up. I tried to keep straight but I was caught up in an unexpected bump I think… or a turn that made me FLIP! I flipped ones, twice, definitely a third time… maybe even more don’t really remember. I let go of the board as I flipped and tried covering my face… I laid there… thinking I was done with boarding down the volcano and tried to catch my breathe… I had to slow my breathing and take in deeper breathes. I looked up a bit upset to not find anyone coming to get me… I was like damn you all! But that was just a split second of a thought. I realized I was only half way down the volcano.. or something like that.. so I got my board and got back on and thought.. “let’s get this over with because they aren’t going to come up here damn them” Ha.. Little did I know that I was going to beat their speed. I started going down again and in my head I comforted myself, I knew I was going to flip again.. this time down there… but It would be okay because I might not flip … or maybe I will but they will be closer and come get me.. Right? So I was going down pretty smoothly…  Then I gained more speed and I got a bit freaked out so I started tapping with both my feet but I wasn’t exactly slowing down.. I think I might have been slowing down the speed of which I was gaining… ( the jerk .. lol) and as I reached the bottom of the volcano I was thinking… “I did it.. and I can do this… I can, not flip!”. But I had a lesson to learn and I flipped… badly … I flipped so many times that I wanted to lay there but I didn’t I sat up. Thankfully the group started coming my way and helped me get up. My face burned… my legs burned.. my left hand had two swollen fingers… but I was one. I was intact. I went 62Km/hr.

I do not know exactly when this was taken but there I am.

My prize: two Toñas  and two mojitos. I missed the record by 5Km/hr… damn it..

I have some battle scars.. my face… my hand… my legs and now… my whole body is sore! But I made it.. I had the fastest speed.


Epic.

En las calles

 

 

DENTRO DE RADIO VICTORIA EN SANTA MARTA

 

 

 

CENTRO MONSENOR ROMERO

 

 

 

UCA en El Salvador y un baile silencioso

 

 

 

Reflexiones en El Salvador

Puede que lo siguiente no esté completo. Algo que me encanta hacer es escribir estrofas de canciones o poemas de las cuales pienso colectar para poder expresar mis pensamientos y sentimientos. En mi tiempo libre juego con carboncillo. Lo hago más cuando estoy estresada. Aun no eh comprado un cuaderno con papel para jugar con carboncillo así que, eso lo tendré que hacer pronto para poder expresarme no solamente con palabras escritas sino con imágenes.

Desahóguese Señor ~

Compartiendo se desahoga el alma

Compartiendo se desahoga el corazón

Compartiendo abre los ojos

De toda la región

Lagrima en la mejía

Lagrima en el corazón

Lagrima que se seca y queda

En la tierra del Señor.

Siembre, Coseche, y Corte

Los recuerdos y pase la historia

Las cartas que nunca llegaron

Los recuerdos que solos quedaron

Son parte de nuestra historia

Son parte de nuestro corazón…

Qué diferencia hay entre los gobiernos y las pandillas?~

Dime Señor mío porque mi gente sangra con lágrimas ya vendidas..

El llanto se encarcela entre sus venas

Y sus sueños se derrotan entre mentiras..

El llanto de la niña sin zapatos

ella llora..

No porque no tenga sino porque de nada sirve su intento de detener la herida de su madre

Lagrimas rojas son las que lloramos.

Por eso tenemos la piel marcada

Las heridas siguen abiertas y el aire no las cura porque la lluvia está contaminada.

Dame señor el valor de abrir los ojos y de nunca cerrarlos.

 Al cerrarlos, muero.

Paseo~

Estoy guardando un rencor

En mi pobre corazón

Que se alivia con lágrimas y suspiros

Y me duele imaginar las cosas

Que tuvieron que pasar

Para hoy tener recuerdos de los desaparecidos.

Madre que pelea,

Madre que busca,

Madre de esperanza,

Madre de ilusión,

Madre que perdió su hijo,

Madre que perdió la razón.

Mon. Señor Romero pt. 1

OWL in EL SALVADOR

THIS past week has been a heck of a dive into life. El Salvador is a place where the past is the present in the minds of the older generation. It is a place that is filled with great potential but low investment. It is the kingdom of American fast food restaurants. It is a place where the roads and bridges are made out of pavement. It is a place where the streets are marked with the presence of the youth aka graffiti. It is a place where the dollar is a bill and a coin. It is a place governed by very polarized political parties. It is a place where deputees who have made decisive decisions that resulted in massacres are in congress.

MR. D.'
Listening and learning from peoples testimonies is harder than I imagined. He is a nice man I would say. A man with his many years and experience in life. He is a man with that little french hat. He lived his youth through a war that deprived him of peace and security, a life that was deprived of tears and emotions, a life that was like living  and seeing death. A life that ends with a happy ending. He met his wife during the war and his children are now handsome young men. He is an alternate deputee in the National Assembly of El Salvador. He told us his story. Just a glimpse of his story. He met his wife during the war and he suffered many deaths of loved ones and friends. I call him Mr. D simply because I do not wish to use his full name. Man like him that have dedicated their life to his community makes me want to learn more about individuals and their potential. It was hard to listen to his testimony because he was completely honest as he talked about his friends, about his dreams as a young man. It was hard because I could hear his numb pain in his voice as he tried to express what he felt and asked us to imagine being in his shoes when he walked by the military unable to grief the death of the massacre that took place in a plaza. Mr. D. fought with the FMLN he is member of the FMLN.

On Friday the 26th I had the opportunity to meet with two FMLN candidates and an ARENA candidate. The difference between the two is extremely evident and complete polarized in relation to each other. FMLN is more for the people and infrastructure within El Salvador. The FMLN is socialist, from what I understand and ARENA is neoliberal. First of all when talking to the FMLN we met in a very simple room. One that looked like it could be a storage room or if fixed up a bit it would look more like a meeting room for a political party. When we met with ARENA the room was a museum of pictures. It had nice chairs and a great big table. The founders ARENA were framed on the walls. It was a heavy atmosphere, the founders of ARENA had been the mindsets behind massacres during the civil war. It is aggravating to know that has not been any trials for the murderers and masterminds of massacres. Open wounds are left open because there has not been any trials and amnesty has been given by the state. This is possibly the reason why the Salvadorian people are more open to share their stories and their struggles. There is a sense of grief that has not been consoled and by sharing the grief is legitimized.

Visiting Santa Marta was quite impressive. Even though it has dirt/mud roads many homes were well structured. Electricity runs 24hrs, there is water and their are large mini size pools to hold water, some houses have propane stoves and there are latrines. The people of Santa Marta live together in harmony. They are what a community is suppose to be. The work together to move forward. Santa Marta is a village with history, it's people know their past and learn about it in school. It even has its own radio station called Radio Victoria in Victoria, El Salvador. Unfortunately, the station and the community have been threatened because of their social awareness. One example of such issues comes from foreign investors like those that want to conduct mining in El Salvador.The community has raised together to protect one another and to keep on with their movements and their presistance in holding the government accountable to prevent mining. The radio serves as a tool to not only spread information but to get the information through interviews and research.

I absolutely loved El Salvador. Its people are very friendly and open. I did feel the difference between Nicaragua and El Salvador and I am not sure if it is because El Salvador has a more recent war history or because the FSLN turned into a party instead of overthrowing ARENA. I would love to return to El Salvador.

THE TIME HAS COME

ALRIGHT, so I have yet again been absent for a while. I hope ya'll had a good time looking at the recent pictures that I put up. Later today I will be on my way to El Salvador. I will be indulged into an intense week long coverage of El Salvador's history; along with its triumphs and challenges it has gone through and is currently going through. These past few weeks I have been busy with papers, presentations and working on what my independent study will be. Once I return from El Salvador I will have a week of preparation for my independent study which will begin November 6, 2012. After much thought into what it is that I want to focus my studies in for this small time in Nicaragua I have come to the conclusion that ...

My study goal is to narrate the family and social influences of four to six youths whose parents and or grandparents may or may not be politically active; or might or might have not been politically active through out their youth or in present day; and to investigate the phenomenon of the gap between generations concerning the ideals of the revolution including Nicaragua's present regime.

(I know that there is space for questions and conserns so please feel free to comment. I would greatly appreciate any feedback and recommendations.) The reason I am focusing on a theme of politics in generations is because I want to take advantage of the time, space and place. The generation that lived through the Contra war of the 1980's is todays older generation. I am a student and therefore am seen as a neutral party and therefore will encourage a safe space to share personal thoughts and refelections. Nicaragua has a very recent history of civil war and so, because of my presence here I am able to communicate with three generations whose perspectives are nurtured through family and social issues and have led to ... well, this is what I want to find out.

I have yet to find an advisor for my independent study, I need one to guide me with my research and be able to provide connections to what might be helpful for my investigation. I bought a very expensive voice recorder today. I might be crazy buying it but I will aim to use it restlessly and make it worth the cost. I figued that since I will be making many interviews I will need something to help me remember things I miss for when I go over my notes. I will use it in El Salvador to see how well it works and to test out its battery and proficiency.

Early this week I skyped with my older brother and started to brag a bit about my professors and lecturers. I guess I will mention the few I can think of right now just to provide an idea of how intense and well credited the program is:

Comandante Dora Maria Tellez, the women who dealt with negociations during the take of the National Palace which was the turning point to the fall of the Samoza regime (1978).

Comandante Eden Pastora, aka Comandante Zero during the take of the National Palace (1978).

Johnny Hodgson the father of autonomy of the Caribbean coast of Nicaragua.

Simone Zenon Morales the only (Garifuna) snake doctor in Orinoco and surrounding Bluefields.

Antonio Lacayo, Engineer that served as the right hand man of President Chamorros' during her presidency.

Zoilamerica Narvaez, step daughter of current President Daniel Ortega. She is an advocate for peace and a victim of sexual assult and abuse from her step dad Daniel Ortega.

Maria Teresa Blandon, strong feminist and founder + regional coordinator of La Corriente

Luis Fley aka Comandante "Johnson"  de la contra (CIA)

Araceli Alfaro VERY VERY VERY interesting woman!!! She is my Spanish professor with a strong not really horribly complicated but yet very very very much so (see how complicated that is?). She also happens to be the god daughter of President Daniel Ortega. She also has a military background.

And many more that I cannot remember right at the moment!!!


CANNOT WAIT FOR EL SALVADOR!!!

El Camino... regresando a Managua de la Costa